I Can't Breathe  

With recent fearful events unfolding around the world, and in particular with the focus on systemic racism that was brought to light so vividly and terribly in Minneapolis this past week, I borrowed the phrase spoken by George Floyd as he died;

I Can't Breathe!

Watching cruelty unfold,

The attack on our soul,

The sliding of hope,

Down a dangerous slope,

We are better than that - aren't we?

I felt the suffocation,

I can't breathe!

The bully and bullied,

Two victims collide,

Coloured by two worlds,

While we stand and chide,

Do we consider ourselves a threat to others?

That's where fear does its best work,

I can't breathe!

Feeling fear taking hold,

Tightening its grip,

Waiting for hope

To falter and slip;

In the grip of depression,

I thrashed in the dark;

I can't breathe!

Afraid of our fellow man,

Afraid for our health,

Afraid for what might come,

The loss of our wealth,

When did  we welcome fear,

Ask it to reign,

I asked my inner child, "How did we get here?”

With a heavy sigh, she cried,

I can't breathe!

Then I felt a tug from my memory,

A tiny child in colours bright,

Reaching up to hold my hand,

No sign of anger or of fright,

Just love in all its innocence,

She poured her joy into my soul,

And took my breath away;

I can't breathe!

Autumn - a time to slow down and notice all of the elements of the Great Composer's works:

Yesterday, as I headed off on my walk down to the river, I slowed my pace and began to take note of all the little wonders around me.  I hadn't put on my 'little boots' in quite a while and it proved very rewarding.   I took deep breaths and filled my lungs with the smells of Autumn; ripening crops, grasses and flowers  ... and fish?    Coming down the path towards me was  an unexpected  wonder - a young mink came barrelling up the path towards me and almost went head over heels making an abrupt stop; I could almost hear his "Whoa!!"    Apparently, he was a regular customer or should I say, recycler, checking out the discarded fish left by fishermen along the bank.    He took a detour around me down the length of the riverbank, stopping every once in awhile to sit up and check me out, and I took time out to just stand and watch him.  I was filled with a special feeling of joy in being noticed by this free spirit.

As I neared our street on the way home, my little boots must still have been showing; coming down the street towards me were three young boys on bicycles, and as they passed me they each in turn held up a hand for a 'high five!'   They were playing a game to see how many of the people they encountered would respond to their invitation.   Once more, I felt a special joy in being included in the play of these free spirits!

Autumn's Call To Rest

The great Conductor

Takes up his baton,

A silence fills the air;

He calls for a rest,

Which is sometimes the best

Of all sounds to a hopeful ear;

Autumn stands at attention,

Mother Nature takes her cue,

As the Great Composer's work takes form,

In colours of every hue,

He begins with a gentle adagio,

Setting the perfect pace,

Stepping up to lead the others,

As the players take their place;

Each element of life comes in

At their appointed time,

Adding their sweet harmony,

To a song of wordless rhyme;

From andante to allegro,

The symphony builds and grows,

In colours and sounds and sights profound,

To crescendo as Nature glows!

And we with our gifts, our colours,

Are invited to take our place,

To stand at attention and listen,

Then to sing with strength and  grace,

And to heed the request,

To wait for the best,

The song is not finished,

But merely at rest.

All Is Well In The End!

Grandparents' Day is approaching again - September 8th.  In gratitude and humility, I share a few words, some 'wisdom' that I have realized over the course of my rapid journey of nearly 71 years:

In the end, we are who we are, with all of our unique imperfections, but also with the immense potential that resides within us, waiting to be asked to come forward.  We are largely unknown to ourselves; the face that we see in the mirror each morning hides behind it someone that wants to meet us and be included in our day.  Usually, it gets overlooked or covered up with makeup of various kinds, as we look past its expectant and hopeful gaze, and try to form it into some version of ourselves that we think is expected or will be accepted by the world out there.  When we are lucky enough to receive gifts from our grandchildren, or from anyone,  let us remember that there is still a little child dwelling within each of us, waiting and hoping that his gift will be loved. 

Every Word, Every Action Matters!

I made one mark upon a page,

It grew into a word,

Then others came in twos and threes,

Emerged from unknown station,         

Responding with elation

To the voice that they had heard;

They joined hands in a sentence,

 then a paragraph, a rhyme,

A soliloquy, a story, a 'Once upon a time',

Each mark an inspiration,

Adding to a thought  sublime,

And I their humble servant,

Gave thanks for every line.

Words - when we send them flying into the world on the wings of a smile, how uplifting and encouraging a gift they can be to others!

The Calm Before The Storm

'The calm before the storm' is a well-known idiom that carries some pretty depressing baggage with it.  It tends to serve up foreboding and a sense of doom.   It has many cousins that carry similar gloomy messages:  'Just wait, this beautiful weather can't last.',  'We're going to pay for all of this good weather.' 'Don't get used to it, it's only March.'   etc. etc.

Why can't we just embrace outpourings of happiness, love, good weather, whatever positives that  happen to come our way, and not feel guilty,  or be apprehensive that bad things will surely follow - and while we're at it, why not be the authors of some happiness?

A Calm In The Storm

There is a calm before each storm,

Or so we've come to think,

And isn't it an awful shame

We let our spirits sink;

Before our souls have time to rest,

To  bask awhile in gentleness,

Thoughts break in of what might come,

When soft turns harsh, when calm is done;

Why waste the balm of healing scents

And healing sounds, when worries stop;

Why let unquiet walk with us,

And wait for some great shoe to drop;

Let's wrap our arms around it tight,

Embrace the calm - soak in its light,

Bid our hearts to see the good,

And shout our thanks, for well we should;

Enjoy this day - this gift we've got,

For night may come, or it may not;

Let calm surround us every day,

And when despair gets in our way,

Then tiny acts of love perform,

And be the calm that quells the storm.

The Dream Train

'I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.'   - Steven Wright

A recent issue of 'Discovery' magazine had an interesting article in it about the overlooked importance of daydreaming - who knew?  Apparently, it is when our minds are given the freedom to explore and  travel to wherever the moment takes it, that revelations occur; when a completely unrelated dream can lead us to look at a problem in a whole new way.  For all of you fellow daydream travellers out there - all aboard!

            The Dream Train

There's a train that comes by often,

A muse who calls to me,

"Come hop aboard, forget your work,

Let's see what we can see!"

"No ticket will be needed,

No carry-on", says she;

”Only thoughts will be collected,

And dreams can travel free."

It picks  me up at random,

While my mind is caught off guard,

Floating on a piece of  music,

Or wandering  through the yard.

It leaves at no particular time

And often takes detours,

There's food for thought in the dining car,

Where imagination stirs;

Travelling in my private car,

Alone, I ride along,

Oblivious to the outside world,

Lost in my own song,

         

So quiet is the engine,

You can miss time passing through,

Till you wake -  the ride is over,

And a dream steps off with you!

Gentleness - Don't You Just Love It!

Gentleness - Don't you just love it?

Children are the most honest critics, aren't they?  They are able to sense the true character of those they interact with; They are attracted to playfulness and gentleness, especially when they find those qualities in surprising people or creatures, like a great big friendly giant or a fierce monster who just needs someone to pull a thorn out of its paw!

Throughout my life, I have been blessed to have so many family members, teachers  and friends who exemplify those positive qualities, despite the thorns that have caused them pain.

 Their presence  surrounds others with comfort and encouragement as we all struggle to share our gifts with the world.  They are the ones that we miss the most when they are no longer with us, those  faces graced by warm gentle smiles and mischievous twinkling eyes.

 Fear and disappointment will always be there, knocking  at our door, wanting to take over our agendas and drown our inspirations, placing the blame squarely on others.   It is up to us to choose how we answer those knocks; whether we open up to let  intolerance in with its negative view of others and of ourselves, or do we take a breath and wait  a few extra minutes for the chime of  gentleness to ring.  

  I hope that gentleness and good humour will win out in the battle for my attitude and that I will be courageous enough to pull out as many thorns as I can.   Tweezers up!

Apologies to Dylan Thomas:

Let me go gently

As I walk through this life,

Adding no harshness,

Bringing no strife;

When fear walks in boldly,

Disguised as my friend,

Carrying  anger

As it tries to pretend

That it came to protect me,

That I need to strike out,

Then, let me strike fear instead,

Turn it about,

And catch it off guard

With a warm, gentle smile,

Replacing its gloom

With the hope of a child.

A Mother's Reflection:

My newborn slept against my breast,

And I whispered, "How beautiful."

I held him out to the world,

And it echoed, "How beautiful."

I sent him into the world,

And the world touched him

And I felt pride, and I felt fear.

He came home wounded,

And I held him against my breast,

And I whispered,  "How unfair."

Then I sent him out again,

Armed with tools that I hoped would help:

Love, faith, patience, tolerance, kindness, listening skills,

And I said to him, "Be my peacemaker."

He came back home confused and wounded,

And I said to him, "Don't despair, you are growing, and I am so proud of you,

This pain will be part of your strengthening."

And he went back into the world,

Bruised, but determined and hopeful.

Then he laughed,

And the heart of the world skipped a beat,

For he had touched the world, and it had responded,

He became aware of a unique something within that he possessed,

That was his to build, develop, and share.

He wondered aloud, "Who am I?"

And a voice answered;

He knew that voice,

It whispered, "How beautiful."

And again,

"You are mine, you are more precious

Than you can possibly imagine."

And this mother echoed in gratitude,

"How beautiful!"

Me And My Ski Poles!

Me And My Ski Poles!

Walking with ski poles ?  No way - I'm not going to have people looking at me like I'm weird!

But, here I am, a convert.    After being introduced to the concept by the good folks at Walker House (and my husband) I checked it out on the net -  According to write-ups about it, 'The logic is simple:  Normal walking utilizes muscles in the lower half of the body while pole walking is a whole-body activity that uses muscles in the back, arms, shoulders and neck.'   After reading about all of its other benefits,  I invested in a pair of brand new shiny ski poles and headed down to the waterfront  the next day to join up with the 'Chicks With Sticks' group.   With a little guidance in adjusting the height of the sticks and some advice on how to use them properly, I was off!   Now, I try to get out on my own as many days as possible for a 'ski' down the highways and bi-ways of Prescott.   On one of my walks, I was feeling just a little self-conscious as I veered to the left to pass a middle-aged man out walking his dog:

   "Doing a bit of urban poling, eh?"   he remarked.   Urban poling?   Why.... yes!  That's exactly what I was doing - not just out walking with a pair of ski poles;  I suddenly felt very trendy, indeed!  

     I must remember that phrase for a time in the future when my trendy ski poles get replaced by a  very necessary cane(s).   Getting feeble?  Not I - I'll simply be out urban poling!

As for the psychological and spiritual benefits:

I'm off

With my poles

For a walk

And a think;

With a bottle

Of water

For these lips

To drink,

I'll gather new thoughts

For this old brain

To link

To the people I pass

And the wonders

That wink

At my deep contemplation;

I'll treasure each link

In the chain of my think,

I'll sweat with the small stuff

And feel my cares

Shrink!

Drop That Rock!

Drop That Rock!

Why are you hanging on to that hard old rock? 

Why not jump into my beautiful canoe!

To be fear-bound is like being stranded on a hard, unforgiving, cold and dismal rock, in the middle of a beautiful sea.  Fish and birds are dipping and diving and singing all around, but you cannot join their voices or play because you are afraid to fall off of the rock.   Your fingers are cracked and bleeding from hanging on so tightly, your eyes are closed shut against the light, and your voice is non-existent - it has been crying out for help for so long that it no longer has any sound. 

So why not loosen your grip, one finger at a time, and let those fingers feel the water - The water is healing and warm, and hope begins to dawn.   There is a beautiful canoe a few feet from the rock - complete with paddles!  Hope grows a little stronger; the wind calms, and a light current pushes the canoe closer and closer - You step into the water and feel its energy surround you; the canoe is at your side - hope wins - as you step in.

In my little meditation, the rock and canoe represent our spirit's struggle to stay locked up or to go, to give up or to flow.
I love the following quote from one of my little 'Friendship' books (a very helpful paddle),   "It is true that there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea."(Vincent Van Gogh) 'You might have good days and bad but, just like the sea, you will always be you.  And that is wonderful.'

'Be brave, Humphrey!'  It's time to let go of that stress-o-matic clump of woe!  Grab your paddle, whether it's in the form of a good friend, a pen, dancing shoes, guitar, something that represents hope to you, and watch your ripples start to flow - step away from the rock and find your song! 

 

Little Building

 

When you die, "You can only take with you that which you give away."  This quote from the Catholic saint, St. Lawrence, popped into my head this week and gave me pause to reflect.  It seemed to strike a stronger chord as recent life events have taken loved ones from us, some prematurely, some beautifully fulfilled, and others violently. Giving takes courage; It is not always easy to put our loving intentions out there, and to risk being rejected by another - 'Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.' - or of being fed on by another.  It is much easier to put money into a donation box and then disappear into anonymity than to challenge our fears and commit to a face to face interaction with a fellow traveller in this life, who has fallen on hard times.

If I only have a little

But, I offer you a little

Of my little, then it’s bigger by one.

If we each take a little

Of the little that we have,

And share it with another who has none,

We would each have a little,

And that little would get bigger

Each time that it helps someone,

And little by little, we would all grow bigger,

Till our little building work is done.

 

The above poem that I wrote is entitled, 'Little Building' - one of a group of poems that will eventually make up my fourth children's book, "How To Patch A Puddle" .

Life is lived in little moments:  What a long, love-filled life this would be If we gave until we had nothing left to give, for the giver always receives something back in return.   I am not talking about material giving - that is certainly valuable, but it is not the best of what we have to offer;  Our most valuable resources are contained within our individual, private treasure chests - chests that hold our smiles, our kind words, our encouragement, the gifts of our precious moments. These are resources that we have in abundance and that have the potential to give us all a return of the true wealth that comes from building understanding and hope. 

 The instruction manual for opening that 'hope chest' reads:

1.  Click on the 'Courage' icon.

2.  Smile!

3.  Encourage others.

Best Before Date:  NOW!

 

You are the only 'you' there will ever be:

May you give as long as you live, and may love be in all of your giving,

May you feel great joy in your living, joy that will grow with each giving;

Don't  dwell on the size of the gift, just one little smile aids forgiving,

And may your bags weigh a great loving ton,

When your 'little building' work is done!