I Can't Breathe  

With recent fearful events unfolding around the world, and in particular with the focus on systemic racism that was brought to light so vividly and terribly in Minneapolis this past week, I borrowed the phrase spoken by George Floyd as he died;

I Can't Breathe!

Watching cruelty unfold,

The attack on our soul,

The sliding of hope,

Down a dangerous slope,

We are better than that - aren't we?

I felt the suffocation,

I can't breathe!

The bully and bullied,

Two victims collide,

Coloured by two worlds,

While we stand and chide,

Do we consider ourselves a threat to others?

That's where fear does its best work,

I can't breathe!

Feeling fear taking hold,

Tightening its grip,

Waiting for hope

To falter and slip;

In the grip of depression,

I thrashed in the dark;

I can't breathe!

Afraid of our fellow man,

Afraid for our health,

Afraid for what might come,

The loss of our wealth,

When did  we welcome fear,

Ask it to reign,

I asked my inner child, "How did we get here?”

With a heavy sigh, she cried,

I can't breathe!

Then I felt a tug from my memory,

A tiny child in colours bright,

Reaching up to hold my hand,

No sign of anger or of fright,

Just love in all its innocence,

She poured her joy into my soul,

And took my breath away;

I can't breathe!

We are all feeling helpless right now in varying degrees, and that condition leaves us fear-filled.  Though illness may attack us physically, the mental toll that it takes can infect us and be equally devastating, robbing us of true quality of life;  We are too ready to give ourselves short shrift, not realizing and recognizing the incredible strengths and gifts that lie within each of us; They are ours to direct in healing ways, and when shared selflessly and generously, our simple positive actions and sacrifices combined can grow into a powerful force indeed!    When the waves of anxiety buffet our little boats, then let's take courage as we head into the wind, with our prayers manning the oars, hope as our sail, and the love of family of friends as our companions, helping to pull us onwards towards the light that will surely shine again.

The Light Will Shine Again

The clouds will part

And the sun will shine,

We'll lift our voices

In song sublime,

A healing breeze

Will dry our tears,

A loving God

Will calm our fears,

And we'll come out stronger

On the other side;

We'll gift each other

With grateful smiles

For the parts we played

To ease the trials

Of friends and  neighbours,

Those in need,

Each sacrifice

A precious seed;

And we'll come out kinder

On the other side;

We will dance once more,

Hold each other tight,

And we'll  walk once more

Our steps in light,

The earth will sigh

And begin to heal

As we give our thanks

With grateful zeal;

And we'll come out wiser

On the other side.

Autumn - a time to slow down and notice all of the elements of the Great Composer's works:

Yesterday, as I headed off on my walk down to the river, I slowed my pace and began to take note of all the little wonders around me.  I hadn't put on my 'little boots' in quite a while and it proved very rewarding.   I took deep breaths and filled my lungs with the smells of Autumn; ripening crops, grasses and flowers  ... and fish?    Coming down the path towards me was  an unexpected  wonder - a young mink came barrelling up the path towards me and almost went head over heels making an abrupt stop; I could almost hear his "Whoa!!"    Apparently, he was a regular customer or should I say, recycler, checking out the discarded fish left by fishermen along the bank.    He took a detour around me down the length of the riverbank, stopping every once in awhile to sit up and check me out, and I took time out to just stand and watch him.  I was filled with a special feeling of joy in being noticed by this free spirit.

As I neared our street on the way home, my little boots must still have been showing; coming down the street towards me were three young boys on bicycles, and as they passed me they each in turn held up a hand for a 'high five!'   They were playing a game to see how many of the people they encountered would respond to their invitation.   Once more, I felt a special joy in being included in the play of these free spirits!

Autumn's Call To Rest

The great Conductor

Takes up his baton,

A silence fills the air;

He calls for a rest,

Which is sometimes the best

Of all sounds to a hopeful ear;

Autumn stands at attention,

Mother Nature takes her cue,

As the Great Composer's work takes form,

In colours of every hue,

He begins with a gentle adagio,

Setting the perfect pace,

Stepping up to lead the others,

As the players take their place;

Each element of life comes in

At their appointed time,

Adding their sweet harmony,

To a song of wordless rhyme;

From andante to allegro,

The symphony builds and grows,

In colours and sounds and sights profound,

To crescendo as Nature glows!

And we with our gifts, our colours,

Are invited to take our place,

To stand at attention and listen,

Then to sing with strength and  grace,

And to heed the request,

To wait for the best,

The song is not finished,

But merely at rest.

A Pause In Nature

I love the Fall season, when Mother Nature takes a deep breath, a pause, and calls, "Break Time!"  Then she gathers up all of the stresses of the rest of the year and lets them all go in one glorious coloured exhalation.  

 Those stresses may have been in the form of uplifting growth experiences, or the weighty regrets of our individual unique gifts that have been left un-added to life's beauty;  Add in the fears created by world events and it's no wonder that our posture becomes less than erect and our gait slower .  Then along comes Nature with her reminder to be patient with ourselves,  that the year is maturing, and so are we, as day by day we release our own amazing colours into the world, both in our speech and in our actions.

  In this season of thanksgiving, as  Autumn colours swirl around us, Let's take her lead, and exhale - just let it all go;  A humble, quiet walk can be just what the doctor ordered:

A Humble Walk, A Silent Talk

I contemplated God's beauty

As I walked in the woods;

I breathed in His peace,

And it did my heart good.

In this green sanctuary,

In soft, quiet mood,

I lowered my head,

And it did my heart good.

How many have passed here,

And paused where I stood?

I greeted their presence,

And it did my heart good.

My spirit watched humbly

As leaves gently fell,

And covered my footsteps

'Till no one could tell

That one Fall afternoon

I had come to these woods,

I had partaken peace;

It had done my heart good.

Gentleness - Don't You Just Love It!

Gentleness - Don't you just love it?

Children are the most honest critics, aren't they?  They are able to sense the true character of those they interact with; They are attracted to playfulness and gentleness, especially when they find those qualities in surprising people or creatures, like a great big friendly giant or a fierce monster who just needs someone to pull a thorn out of its paw!

Throughout my life, I have been blessed to have so many family members, teachers  and friends who exemplify those positive qualities, despite the thorns that have caused them pain.

 Their presence  surrounds others with comfort and encouragement as we all struggle to share our gifts with the world.  They are the ones that we miss the most when they are no longer with us, those  faces graced by warm gentle smiles and mischievous twinkling eyes.

 Fear and disappointment will always be there, knocking  at our door, wanting to take over our agendas and drown our inspirations, placing the blame squarely on others.   It is up to us to choose how we answer those knocks; whether we open up to let  intolerance in with its negative view of others and of ourselves, or do we take a breath and wait  a few extra minutes for the chime of  gentleness to ring.  

  I hope that gentleness and good humour will win out in the battle for my attitude and that I will be courageous enough to pull out as many thorns as I can.   Tweezers up!

Apologies to Dylan Thomas:

Let me go gently

As I walk through this life,

Adding no harshness,

Bringing no strife;

When fear walks in boldly,

Disguised as my friend,

Carrying  anger

As it tries to pretend

That it came to protect me,

That I need to strike out,

Then, let me strike fear instead,

Turn it about,

And catch it off guard

With a warm, gentle smile,

Replacing its gloom

With the hope of a child.

Who Is My Father?

We expect our dads to be towers of strength, guides and mentors,  but what we really want most from them is a huge heart-felt Dad-hug on a regular basis - for them to tell us they love us.   We need them to accept and love us when we succeed and also when we fail.  We want them to join us in our laughter and play, and to put an arm around us  when we cry bitter tears,  understanding that they are both a part of who we are, necessary for our growth.   On the flip-side, our fathers need those same gifts given back to them as they struggle and succeed, or falter, in their attempts to raise their family.

Who Is My Father?

A hand strong and calloused,

That held onto mine,

A face, rough and wrinkled

With love in each line;

Eyes glinting laughter -

The laugh of a boy,

Who still could find wonder

In small bits of joy.

This life's complicated,

And at times, it's unfair,

And he shed humble tears

When he tripped on despair;

But what joy he created

When he strummed out a song!

He sang out his problems,

And coaxed us along.

With a mind that loved learning,

He  tried hard to guide,

As he  watched my young footsteps

And Followed  with pride.

A heart seeking God,

He laid his soul bare

As he prayed for his family -

A father's tough prayer.

Who is my father?

He's all of these things,

Kept close in my memory;

He still makes my heart sing!

At My Mother's Knee

Some memories never fade away,

And that's as it should be,

When they take me back to happy times

And quiet moments  when I'd  find

Myself at Mother's knee.

Special secrets I would share,

Secret hurts and fears,

Nothing seemed too silly there,

With soothing words and hugs to spare,

She'd wipe away my tears.

I'd place my head upon her lap

And feel her hands' caressing,

What peace I felt as I knelt there ,

 Her fingers in my tousled hair,

Receiving mother's blessing.

She'd wrap me in her mother's care,

My smile was her reward;

No one could resist her grin

And soon the giggles would begin,

Good humour was restored.

Those special moments live in me

In love they have been set,

All those lovely memories

Bring me often to my knees

I feel her softness yet.

I close my eyes and hear her voice,

So musical and mild;

No greater gift could ever be,

Than hearing my mom pray for me,

Now I pray for you, my child.

Spreading Laughter!

World  laughter day is coming up soon - this Sunday  May 7th, and boy, couldn't we all use some laughter!

 The first celebration was on January 10, 1998, in Mumbai, India, and was arranged by Dr. Madan Kataria, founder of the worldwide laughter yoga movement.   

Laughter Yoga says: Laughter is a positive and powerful emotion that has all the ingredients required for individuals to change themselves and to change the world in a peaceful and positive way.  The day is now celebrated worldwide.

When life becomes just too heavy for us to bear, it's time to bring in the carrier cousins  to help lift our load:

Singing is a first cousin to laughter.  To prove that point, here's a little ditty that the Thousand Islanders Chorus  shared with our Walker House singing workshop group;  Apart from being a good singing exercise,  it acts as a laughter booster:

            'laughter is contagious

            and it's advantageous,

            Ho! ho! ho! ho!

            Ho! ho! ho! ho!

            Ho! ho! ho! ho!

            Ho! ho! ho! ho!

            Ho!

After a repetition or two, I could never get to the last 'ho!'  without laughing - totally infected, I was!

I have long known that music and singing  are carriers - They can spread laughter, joy, inspiration, and  tears; They are right up there with all of the most powerful and positive infections - their germs spread rapidly, even to our feet, causing them to dance - hopefully at appropriate moments.  Wherever their infection  spreads, life takes on brighter colours - how good is that!

Whether those two cousins nudge us to tears or laughter, our bodies and spirits reap positive benefits. 

You go carriers - Please do make me laugh!

The colour of sunshine!

 This was the title of one of the pieces of music that I was listening to as I did my Tai Chi routine this morning.  I find the slow meditative pace of this exercise to be a time of deep and creative thought, and of heartfelt prayer.

Though I can't see the colour of sunshine, or the substance of prayer, I know that both are powerful communicators, and can lift our hearts and spirits.  As the sun draws warm colours from everything it touches, and gives back life-giving food to mankind and the earth, I believe that prayer, though invisible to the human eye, is viewed as a beautiful, powerful rainbow of hope by the soul which, as it is lifted, shares its own amazing colours, adding to the brightness and warmth in the world.

The colour of sunshine

Depends on its diet,

If it drinks from the ocean,

Or a lake laying quiet,

Then it puts on bright blue,

With a sparkle of green,

And its hair sometimes gleams

With a hint of marine.

While crossing a meadow,

It bounces off flowers,

It feeds on red clover,

And sends back rose showers;

It picks up blue tips

From the bluegrass, I'm told,

And to compliment dandelions

Dons its bright gold.

The colour of prayer

Depends on its diet,

If it drinks caring thoughts

From a soul that is quiet,

Then it puts on bright blue

As it soars high above,

And returns, dressed in gold,

As it echoes God's love.

Nice Ta Meetcha!   - The Power Of A Biscuit!

That's it!  I've Had it!   Time to bake biscuits!

Enough of all of these doom and gloom forecasts, whether political or weather-related;  It's time to bake  some love into some biscuits. Whatever form your biscuits take, whatever your 'knead' may be - let's sit down with a nice cup of tea and take a healing time-out  - calories be darned!

Each time that I recreate my mother-in-law, Joan's wonderful shortbread biscuit recipe, I find myself adding something extra to the mix that might make it even more delicious.  So far the ingredients are coming from Toronto, B.C., Ontario, Quebec, Indonesia, and the U.S.   How exotic is that! 

As I lovingly work the ingredients into small crumbs, on their way to the final mix, I am aware of the dependence of each of them on the others in order to form. These ingredients had never met before today - stayed in their separate cupboards, but once introduced and the more I let them combine and work together, the finer they have become.  My trained ear is hearing them as they compliment each other at great length, with 'Nice ta meetchas' happening all around!

I have now come full circle, contemplating world issues again, but through the lens of a biscuit baker.  We are all part of this wonderful recipe called mankind, and whether we admit it or not, we are all dependent on each other in order to get from crumb to delicious biscuit, to reach our full potential;

 We each have something to offer that no one else can give, but we can't find out what that something is until we start coming out of our cupboards and offering our 'nice ta meetcha's.

 Ah, the zen of the biscuit - may its force be with you!

The Chain

The Chain

I believe that we are being born anew every day - given another chance.

Who we are,  our essence or spirit, is in the process of becoming with each breath that we take;

our spirit does not require a diet of huge achievements - it is constantly feeding off of our attitude,  It grows more beautiful with every positive thought and accomplishment, every smiling link that we add to the whole.   With each act of kindness, we are strengthening our link in the chain of life, and feeding it the energy that it needs, to be strong for all of the other links - our parents, children, grandchildren, brothers and sisters, friends - all those that we hold in our hearts and who count on us.

 When the seas get rough, we can secure our vessels with that wonderful supporting chain:

Hold onto the chain,

In the midst of your pain,

Trust in the strength of each link;

Though doubts may obscure it,

Have faith and be sure, it's

Stronger by far than you think.

With great love they speak,

Each voice so unique,

Timeless, they're born yet again,

These links built of love,

Drawing strength from above,

Hand in hand forming the chain.

The Colour Of Sunshine

The colour of sunshine!

 This was the title of one of the pieces of music that I was listening to as I did my Tai Chi routine this morning.  I find the slow meditative pace of this exercise to be a time of deep and creative thought, and of heartfelt prayer.

Though I can't see the colour of sunshine, or the substance of prayer, I know that both have the power to lift my heart and spirit.  As the sun draws warm colours from everything it touches, and gives back life-giving food to mankind and the earth, I believe that prayer, though invisible to the human eye, is viewed as a beautiful, powerful rainbow of hope by the soul which, as it is lifted, shares its own amazing colours, adding to the brightness and warmth in the world.

The colour of sunshine

Depends on its diet;

If it drinks from the ocean,

Or a lake laying quiet,

Then it puts on bright blue,

With a sparkle of green,

And its hair sometimes gleams

With a hint of marine.

While crossing a meadow,

It bounces off flowers,

It feeds on red clover,

And sends back rose showers;

It picks up blue tips

From the bluegrass, I'm told,

And to compliment dandelions

Dons its bright gold.

The colour of prayer

Depends on its diet;

If it drinks caring thoughts

From a soul that is quiet,

Then it puts on bright blue

As it soars high above,

And returns, dressed in gold,

As it echoes God's love.

Much Ado About My To Do List

Much Ado About My To Do List

It seems the 'Bard' and Dickens were up to no good last night - they put their heads together and decided that 3 am was the perfect time for a creative session.  No need to inform Edie about the time change, "she loves laying awake at that hour anyway, and it will give her a different program to tune into other than Worriers Anonymous!" -  annoying pair, but they were right:

These two spirits took me on a journey back in time, somewhat like Scrooge's Christmas Eve experience, to a small house on the banks of the Rideau River.  The program that I tuned into was a series of vignettes that featured a poor family of 7 children and two young parents and the intangibles that fed the imagination and ignited the wonder in this little child's heart:   the smell of my mother's delicious 'meals for the masses', her tears as we tickled her into laughter, or as she hugged our hurts away; the dancing eyes of my father as he shared one of his jokes, and quipped Jimmy Durante's "I've got a million of 'em!"  There, vying for room on the well-worn couch, sat an eager group of children passing from lap to lap, members of the newest litter of kittens and afterwards, not so eagerly, passing the buck about who's turn it was to change the newspaper in their box!  Another scene unfolded of the family gathered in the living room, sharing in total silliness; in jokes and games and in the exuberant singing of familiar songs with Dad on guitar and mouth organ, the leader of our band.

  I was completely wrapped up in childhood when the Bard interrupted my reverie by proffering  this line from his 'Julius Caesar':  'The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.'  Ok - that was negative, or maybe it was meant as an optimistic warning, a reminder to act now rather than judge now;  the power of the good memories we make each day, may be all that is needed to prevent one of our loved ones, or a stranger that our words or actions have touched, from going down those 'evil' paths.

So, as this New Year unfolds, my 'to do' list will be topped by:  'Judge less and make more good memories'.  May they live long after I'm gone and hopefully my loved ones will be able to repeat Dad's line, "I've got a million of 'em!" 

Go forth - Be Brave, Be Kind.

It was just a bottle of ginger ale, but I keep the memory of it in a very special room in my mind - the one that holds my small acts of bravery.

My mother passed away a few years ago now; One day, as I was leaving the hospital room where she spent an unfortunate part of her last years, I listened to a conversation taking place between a male nurse and the patient in the bed next to Mom's.  That lady's illness had affected her personality and she had become very difficult to deal with.  She was demanding a drink of ginger ale, which the poor nurse did not have access to.  As I got into the elevator and headed downstairs, I heard that voice in my heart speaking up: "A ginger ale from the machine downstairs would make two people happy right now - that  distressed patient, and the nurse who was trying to cope with more patients than he should have had to handle."   I fought my way past the cowardly voice of 'It's not your problem, Edie', and for the minimal price of $1.00, I turned around and brought that struggling lady, and the surprised, grateful nurse a gift - a bright shiny bottle of ginger ale!

It takes courage to perform an act of kindness, even one as small as the gift of a bottle of ginger ale.   The rewards go far beyond the immediate action - I can still feel the effervescent bubbles that welled up inside of me, causing me to thank God for allowing me to help someone even in this small way.  They carried me, and made my footsteps a lot lighter than they had been when I left Mom's bedside - The real gift was actually given to me.

Borrowing a line from Cinderella's mother:  'Have courage and Be kind'!

In The Aftermath - There Is Love!

In the Aftermath - There is love!

I'm sitting and thinking, and watching rain turn into icy fingers, wrapping themselves around the branches and seed heads (still there!) on our lilac tree.  It is reminding me that the world and life goes on around us, not paying any heed to the turmoil that is going on inside of us.  The fact that I have worried, stressed, rewritten and practised before delivering a book presentation to a lovely group of seniors yesterday, seems to have slipped nature's mind!  Perhaps I should take the hint to not take myself so seriously - to get out there and find the beauty that is all around me before my short stint on this earth is done.

 As it turned out, I had a lovely time relating my poems and my life experiences - and sharing my limited musical interpretations to boot - take that you unfeeling drops of ice!

 The fact is, that every time I give something of myself, I reap a wonderful harvest of gifts that others share with me.  It may be new knowledge of my surroundings, a verbal picture that someone paints of something that happened in their past, or it may be the sharing of a dream that lies unfulfilled in them, or in me - whatever, I am truly the richer.

 The world will still be here, long after I'm gone, but it will only have the use of my life for a relatively short time, and I only have this time to share whatever joy I can.   We all have a responsibility to help in the healing and building of this world with whatever gifts we are endowed with.  So rather than giving in to those 'hot on my heels' feelings of inadequacy and smallness, I will try to use my smallness, and take  Mother Theresa's words and example to heart:

               "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love."

The Chocolate Chips of Life

The Chocolate Chips of Life!

I'm sweeping up after everyone has gone home -  and thanking God for every crumb - crumbs of every size and flavour - they remind me that life and love has happened here.  I reflected with love on the tiny hands that had dropped those crumbs,  on the amazing gift of those lives big and small - all dropping wonderful crumbs from God's big cookie!   

 The sous chef that filled the order for those cookies did a pretty good job, I must say, paying special attention to the instruction at  the bottom of the page - to sample just a few of them to make sure they were made properly and had the correct amount of chocolate chips!  And what of the chocolate chips?  Everyone needs vitamins and nutrients in their cookies - if possible - but a treat is a treat is a treat, and is created to give us a break and a much needed happy lift.

As we sanitize and clean up our homes, our world, let us stop for a 'think moment' and acknowledge every crumb, every grain of sand or dried leaf that travelled through our door as a result of our going out and contributing to life, to every spider trying to do his or her job (and asking for no finder's fee as it collects pesky flies) - remember Charlotte's web!

What crumbs am I dropping?  Well, my recycle box is currently filled with bits of paper containing small gems of ideas that I wrote and then discarded .  As I pulled this particular crumb back out of the box, I realized that it just needed a little more mixing, and that hopefully it would fall into the hands of others who might 'need' it a bit more.   So, let's not be too hasty in throwing away our idea crumbs - you never know which one might contain the chocolate chip!